Saturday, December 31, 2005

Janet Smokes Crack

The Sound of Music is one of my all time favorite movies. Julie Andrews, pre vocal cord surgery gone bad, is amazing. When Pit and Balcony did their production of it earlier in the year, I had to try out. I had always wanted to play Rolf, and I wasn't getting any younger, so I had to do it.

I consider doing that show one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I got the part of Rolf...of course, I'm so talented, there was no way anyone else could have done it. Rehearsals started, and I realized how big of a jackass the director was, and how campy he was making the show.

People will say that I have a bad attitude towards Rick, the director from the show, but I have good reason. Not only did he yell at me in front of the entire cast one day because I misunderstood a direction he gave me, he talked trash about my friends not realizing they were in the next room and could hear everything he said, and actually told someone not to cast me in a show since I was difficult to work with(I was cast in that show, and the director later told me she was really glad she did because she enjoyed working with me so much. I'm really not too difficult to work with).

Anyhow, Janet Martineu...or something close to that, I don't really know how to spell her name, reviews shows and art exhibits for the Saginaw News. I guess she wrote an article to recap the past year in today's issue. Apparently The Sound of Music made her top 10 art events in Saginaw in the last year. I won't go overboard and say the show was horrible, I was in it afterall, but it definitely wasn't that good. I think someone was sleeping with Janet in hopes of getting her to say that. It wasn't me though...I just vomited in my mouth a little thinking about someone sleeping with her.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Lucky Smokes

I smoke, enjoy it, and make no apologies for it. With that said, I have about 24 and a half more hours to smoke before I give it up for the new year. It will never happen, but that's my resolution. As if smoking itself isn't a bad enough habit, I have another bad habit that goes along with smoking. I pick a lucky cigarette.

For whatever reason, everyone always bums ciggies from me. I really don't mind, I like to feel important, but I always warn people not to take the lucky one. For those not familiar, the lucky one is the one you turn upside down when you first open a pack. You save it for the last one and it gives you good luck. Stupid? Yes, but I do it anyways.

Anyhow, as I was saying, people always bum cigarettes from me. I always warn them not to take the lucky one. They get annoyed after awhile since I tell the same people this day after day, so sometimes I don't say anything since they already know the rule. I just need to say it every time.

A few nights ago, I was out at a bar, and my friend, Sarah, asked if she could have one of my smokes. She knows the rules, so I didn't say anything. About 15 minutes later, I look in my pack and my lucky cigarette is gone. Intentional or not(and it was intentional), at least she didn't waste it, unlike a certain someone.

I won't use names since I'm nice like that, but about a year and a half ago, a certain friend of mine asked if he could have a cigarette while we were at the bar. He knows not to take my lucky cigarette, and will get pissy when I tell him not to. He was trashed beyond belief that night. I handed him the pack and continued the conversation I was having with someone else on the opposite side of the table from him. I looked over at said person a few seconds later and realized his smoke was on fire. Imagine a 3 inch flame coming from the end. The sad thing was, he was so drunk that he had it in his mouth and didn't even notice the difference. He had taken the lucky cigarette and lit it backwards. I've taken every opportunity to remind him not to take my lucky ciggie from then on out.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Leave a Voicemail

I've been hoping for a certain phone call all day today. It just came, but I panicked and didn't answer. I figured I would get a voicemail, but I didn't. I like to be prepared before I talk to someone and know what they want to talk about. This is why voicemail is so handy. Now, I can't call back because one of the first questions will be, why didn't you answer. I don't have a good story for why I didn't answer, and I don't want to lie. This is why people hate me. I never answer the phone, and I refuse to return calls if a voicemail wasn't left for me. I think one of my New Year's Resolutions will be to return calls and answer them. It will never happen though.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005


I hate my mouth/smile more then anything in life. I was always teased about having a huge mouth when I was growing up, and it led to a huge complex as I got older. The irony is that the most common compliment I get is on my smile.
The waitress serving my dinner tonight felt the need to comment on my smile. I had lots to smile about tonight(thanks Natalie). Seriously, nothing makes me more uncomfortable then someone saying something about my mouth. I will automatically cover my mouth with my hand and think that someone is looking at it for the rest of the day.
Am I alone with my odd insecurities? Tell me I'm not.

Texan Dreams

I have no shame in stealing pictures form my friend's blogs. Thanks Lisa.

Anyhow, I had quite the experience. I should have said no to eating at The Texan. Instead, I agreed, and paid dearly for it. Let's just say, you get what you pay for there. As soon as I started to eat last night, I knew it wasn't a good idea. I had no idea just how bad it could be.

I drove home, and went to bed. I figured maybe I wouldn't sleep well, and possibly would wake with a little indigestion. Instead, I had a crazy ass dream.

In my dream, I went to McDonald's to get some fries. On my way home, I realized I had left my tray with my empty fry carton on the table, so I turned around so I could throw it out. As I was walking inside, one of the managers started to yell at me for leaving some of the food outside the freezer when I unloaded the shipment of food that day. I tried to explain to him that I didn't work there, but he wouldn't listen. I threw out my trash and left with him still yelling. As I was driving home, I saw 2 dogs running across the road. I stopped to pick them up. As I started to drive, a stray piece of rubber from my wheel wrapped itself around my finger. I didn't notice it until I started to drive. I panicked, thinking my finger would be pulled off. Luckily for me, the rubber broke, and I was saved from dismemberment. Suddenly, the dogs in my backseat weren't stray dogs at all, but my dogs. Funny how dreams allow sudden changes without explanation, but you don't question it. I drove them home to reunite them with my dog who has been dead for 3 years. A few more strange things happened after that, but I don't remember them anymore.

I woke up at 4:30 laughing at this dream. I've had crazy dreams before, but normally there is some continuity to them. This one takes the cake for the most random. There was no preparing for the morning. I was fighting nausea all morning. Damn The Texan for their cheap food available in the middle of the night. Never again will I eat you.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

My Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone. Here's a picture of Katie and me enjoying a Christmas tradition of playing Christmas carols for my family. Our 3 rehearsals sure paid off. We were amazing. I hope you can feel my intense sarcasm.

Christmas was pretty uneventful. I made two of my nieces cry. One was scared of the stuffed animal I gave her, and the other was mad when I took something away from her. I have a way with kids.

Part of the Christmas festivities included fostering a dog with a broken leg, that my work inherited, this weekend. No one would have been able to let him out over the weekend, so he came home with me. He is currently barking at me for ignoring him, so I guess I should pay attention to him and get ready for my family dinner.

Hope everyone had a good Christmas!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Happy Holidays!

I hope everyone has a fun, safe holiday season. Hopefully you'll all spend time with people you love. I hope everyone travels stays safe. Have a happy holiday.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Just another show

Tonight was really exciting. I gave up my Project Runway virginity, that is. I'm going to piss off just about everyone that reads this, but I don't understand the appeal. I've been reading how this is such a great show for the last few weeks on everyone's blogs. It wasn't bad, but I expected more. Did I just happen to catch a bad week? I expected the designers to do more trash talking while they cut a hole in one of the other teams designs. I don't know, I just like a little more backstabbing in my TV shows. I'll watch again in 2 weeks when the new episode airs, but I won't have such high expectations. Maybe once I see a few episodes and am able to pick out a favorite, it will get better. Maybe not. I don't know. I feel like the dorky kid who does the things that all the cool kids do just to fit in by watching this show. It has become my goal to watch and enjoy this show just so I'm not confused by the posts I read every Thursday.


Has anyone seen the commercials for this new form of birth control? More importantly, does anyone use this? Every time I see this commercial, I get a little confused. Is it a ring that actually goes around your junk? I just don't get it. Someone fill me in please, it's driving me nuts.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Life sucks, but it gets better

...most of the time at least. My day started off okay. Actually, I did some fun things this afternoon. I got some really bad news late this afternoon, and that kind of killed my mood for the day though. It was somewhat ironic that earlier in the day I was having a conversation with someone and she said that when things have been tough this year, she always realizes they could be worse...or at least something to that effect. I started thinking about that this afternoon.
It's funny how I can be on the verge of tears and my younger brother can be a complete asshole to me and make me laugh. I also got a phone call from a friend I haven't heard from in about a month and had a great chat. It was my conversation with Lisa that made me feel a lot better. I won't embarrass her, let's just say she completely misunderstood what I said, and my dad is indeed alive still. It's good to know I can still laugh.
So, next time something bad happens, take our friend, Deena's, advise. Life sucks most of the time, but it could be worse.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Christmas at the bar

I love Christmas carolers. I think more people should go out in the middle of winter and sing to random strangers. I'm not about to do it, but I would love it if someone came to my house and sang for me.

Last night was my first night back to the Junction in about 3 weeks. I couldn't have picked a better night to go back. As Lisa and I were driving down the road, we noticed some carolers on the sidewalk outside some of the bars down the block. It put me in the Christmas spirit.

We went to the bar and started drinking, when the door opened, and in walked the carolers. It wasn't like there were 3 or 4 people caroling. There was about 20 of them. They didn't come in to drink either, they came to sing...well, try to sing, they weren't very good. I give them credit for doing it.

The best part of our holiday friends was that they had a violinist with them. He played the music while they sang. I want to thank the genius who came up with the idea of going caroling to the bars. They totally made my night worthwhile. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. Also, thanks to Paul for coming out like he promised...bastard.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Blog Awards?

I just found out that awards are given to the best blogs on the web. Come on. A blog is just a creative outlet for someone to share stupid stories and opinions. Why do we insist on recognition for everything? Some people are just so vain and insecure.

Ok, I can't lie anymore. The thing that pisses me off the most about these awards is that NONE of you thought to nominate my blog. I realize it isn't interesting, funny, and normally doesn't make sense, but still. Thanks for all the support guys. I'm glad to know that the minutes I spend writing stories for you to read over mean nothing to you.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

After Hours Exercise

For as long as I can remember, I've had problems with sleepwalking. I don't really know how often I do it, or what I always do when I'm walking around. It freaks me out because I have no memory of it the next day. Just people telling me that I was walking around talking in the middle of the night.
I have no memories of ever sleepwalking, but when I was younger, I would wake up laying with my head at the foot of the bed, and my feet on my pillow all the time. Since I was on the top bunk of a bunk bed, it wasn't really an easy accomplishment. My brother told me that I once got dressed for school in the middle of the night and went downstairs to eat breakfast once in the middle of the night. Things like that made me uneasy, but the last few years have really freaked me out.
I may have written about this before, but there are mornings where I wake up sore and bruised with no explanation. I sometimes will have grass and mud on my feet too. It bothers me to know that I go outside when I'm sleeping.
Last night, I apparently had a conversation with my mom. She said I told her that I was working all day today. She was a little surprised to see me when she came home on lunch. I was more surprised to find out I had been talking with her in the hallway at 5 this morning.
Does anyone know any cures for sleepwalking? I know mine is brought on by stress. Since I can't really escape stress, I'm willing to try about anything. Let me know.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Got a mint?

I was craving Tony's for lunch today. I love their ravioli something fierce, which is sad, because it isn't really too good, but I eat it all the time anyways. Anyhow, I convinced two of the people I work with that Tony's was the way to go today. We ordered, I picked up the food, and I gorged myself on food.

The ravioli comes with garlic bread. They put a lot of garlic on today. I'm not complaining, because garlic is great. Three pieces of garlic bread that are saturated with garlic can be a little much. After lunch, I just wanted to take a quick nap. Instead, I had to continue working.

As I was eating, I kept joking about how I was going to have rank breath the rest of the day. I shouldn't have been so quick to joke. One of the girls told me she could smell the garlic on me when I talked when I was standing across the room from her. I brushed it off since she was standing next to the trash can where I had thrown out my wrapper that held my bread. She must be smelling that.

I went into a small enclosed room to do an exam on one of our appointments a few minutes later. I started talking and realized that perhaps I needed some gum. I was pretty much gagging on my own breath. It was horrible. I could tell the people I was talking to could smell it, but they were trying to be polite.

I left the room and started searching for a mint or gum. No luck. I made one of the girls go to her car and get me some gum. The gum helped for a little while, but it wasn't enough. See, garlic makes me gassy. I'm not one to cause discomfort by holding a little toot in, so I let it out. I think everyone was glad when the day was done today. I should never eat garlic again.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Christmas Shopping

Christmas shopping and I don't get along well. Every year I plan to start months in advance so I'm not stressed at the last minute. Every year, I wait till the week before to start shopping. I also promise to not buy anything for myself while I'm shopping. I'm weak.

Lisa and I decided to do some shopping together today. Lisa is a real trooper because if anyone ever invited me to go shopping with them and then was as moody as I was today, I would have killed them. I had a short time frame to hit lots of stores though.

Anyhow, I was doing good. I got a few things and avoided any purchases that would be made for my own enjoyment. Then Lisa did the worst thing anyone could do to me when I'm trying to not spend money. She decided to go into the Buckle to find something for her brother. I have no will power. I was in there about 20 seconds before I started eyeing up a scarf. Then I moved to the coats. Keep in mind that I own at least 13 coats already. Not exaggerated. I didn't want to buy the first coat I was contemplating since it cost too much and didn't fit too well.

Then I saw the most beautiful coat in the world. Not really, but one that I liked a lot. Lisa already decided to buy me the scarf for my Christmas present, so I decided to get the coat and the earrings she told me to get her. I opened a charge account to save a small amount of money on it. I"m going to go over my limit in about 2 days. I'm so dumb.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Sugar, Spice, and Beer?

My mom told me that all the kids were going to help make Christmas cookies with her on Saturday. She knows I work during the cookie making time, and it wasn't an accident. I could pretend to be really offended by this, but I'm not. I know why I'm not allowed to help, and can't believe it has taken as long as it has for me to get the boot.

I was banished from helping to decorate Easter eggs years ago. I would write vulgar things on them with white crayons and then dye them the ugliest colors I could. When I bake, I intentionally drop egg shells in the food just so I can hear someone say that they just ate a big piece of eggshell. It doesn't sound funny, but when someone says that every time you bake something and never realizes that it is intentional, it gets to be a little humorous. Anyhow, those little tidbits were just to give you a little insight into my cooking and baking skills.

Molly and I have a tradition of hiding the Hershey's kisses wrappers under the kisses on top of the cookies so you bite into tin foil when you eat one. Everyone knows to look before they eat them, so it doesn't really have a good effect. We've played that trick for too long. I also like to decorate cookies with as many hard decorations as I can so they are completely inedible.

Last year I went a little overboard. As I've mentioned before, I need alcohol to get through large family gatherings. I'd had a few too many beers whilst baking, and decided to add a little beer to the dough to moisten it. My mom was the only one to not find it funny. Whatever. I'll do my own baking party this year. Who's with me?

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Game Over

Tonight was the last night of the show. I always have mixed feelings about a show ending. It's always fun to have an excuse to see your friends every night, and I love being on stage.
I'm so excited to have my nights back though. I can spend time sitting at home alone being depressed about how I don't have friends again now. Actually, the thing that I am most excited about is not having to smell the dressing room anymore. I don't know if some of the people in the cast have something against showers and deodorant, but the dressing room was rancid.
I would do my best to avoid it when there were lots of people milling around in there, but the stench lingered. I was going to buy air fresheners to put in there, but I never got around it, and figured the smell was just too strong for anything to help. I just wish everyone would have good hygiene like me.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Close Call

I was driving home from my show tonight, and the roads were horrible. I hoped that if I got on the highway, things would be better. They weren't. I decided to drive slow since I didn't really want to die tonight. About 30 feet later, I hit a patch of ice. Luckily, I was going slow, and there were no other cars on the road because I completely lost control of my car. I started to spin, and my rear end was headed straight for the guarder. I have no idea how I managed to not crash, but my car stayed on the road and didn't hit anything. When it stopped spinning, I was facing the wrong way on the highway. I was freaking out, but I didn't really have time to calm myself. I didn't really want to get in a head on collision on 6-75, so I had to turn my car around as quickly as possible. The road was still clear of traffic, so I did a beautiful 3 point turn. I got off the highway at the first available exit and drove backroads the rest of the way home, never going over 25 mph. Yes, I probably looked like a grandma, sitting upright in my car gripping the wheel as tight as I could going half the speed limit, at most, but I made it home safely. I think that makes everything okay.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Got Gas?

Thanks to Paul for his most recent post, which reminded me of this story. I'm in a blogging mood tonight, and I apologize because none of these stories are the least bit interesting. I decided to go with a theme for the next week and relive childhood memories though. I'll get tired of this theme by tomorrow and stop though, don't worry.
Anyhow, this story involves my youngest brother/sibling, Kyle(Stinky...we all have nicknames, in case you haven't guessed).
A few years ago, Stinks needed something worked on with his car. I don't really remember what it was, but fear not, that isn't the important part of the story. This happened about the same time that I started to get into Smallville. He needed me to take him to pick up his car, but there was a Smallville marathon on TV. He told me we had to go halfway through the polite. Since the repair shop closed in about an hour, I had to go. I had never even seen that episode before. I'm an amazing brother.
Anyhow, we pick up the car, and Stinks says that he doesn't think he has enough gas to get home. I told him we can stop to get gas, and he said he didn't have money on him. I told him I would pay then. He responded with, he had more gas then he thought and it wouldn't be a problem. We stared to drive home.
About a quarter of a mile after passing a gas station, I noticed that his car was sputtering, and he pulled into the nearest parking lot...a fire station. I pulled alongside of him and asked what was going on. He had run out of gas. Since his car was parked in front of the garage that the fire trucks come out of, I told him he should move his car in case there is a fire and I would drive him the rest of the way home and get a gas can. His car wouldn't start.
We started to pound on the windows of the fire department in hopes we could talk to someone and they wouldn't tow the car. The lady we finally talked to told us to hurry up and get gas so the trucks could get out. I started to speed home, I had an excuse to not follow the speed limit. The Kochville Fire Department would back me up if someone pulled me over. We got home grabbed a gas can and got the car.
The whole time I was in a panic. I would have felt horrible if a house burned down because my brother picked the worst possible spot to run out of gas.

Oh Shit!

I spent so much time looking for a picture to go with this post, and it won't load. Damn internet. Anyhow, I was talking with Deena at work today, and since she was reading Naked, I made the comment of, "I wonder how much of his stories are true, and how much is embellished." Then I had a bit of an epiphany. I have great stories as well. Growing up with 7 siblings, you wouldn't be able to believe the things we did. I just hope Molly doesn't read this post cause she'll shit a brick if she does.
When she was in about 6th grade, Molly was walking home from school. It was a blustery winter day. MJ had to drop the kids off at the pool, if you know what I mean. Mind you, the school is about 100 yards from the house. You can walk it in about a minute if you have to. I won't judge though, because when you have to go, you have to go.
Anyhow, MJ decided to poo in the ditch halfway home. Why, I will never know. A few days later, she got really sick. As she tells the story, it was because she almost got pneumonia from taking a shit outside in the middle of winter. She was too embarrassed to tell my parents how she got sick, so they just thought it was the flu. Seriously though, who hasn't had a similar experience? Probably everyone.


So I've had a crush, bigger then the soda shown to your left for a long time now. Why am I such a pussy that I can't act on things? Maybe cause no one would ever like me, but that's okay. I'm fine just fantasizing. Life is safer that way. Yes, I'm that pathetic that I will spend my life just wishing for things that will never be and be happy with that.

Shut Yo Mouth!

Sometimes I think people just shouldn't talk to me. Life would be far less complicated and dramatic if they would just cut me off. Why? Because in the last 24 hours I've had two people make very odd comments to me. I'll start with the comment my mom made first, even though this was the second comment if we go in chronological order.
My parents went to Wisconsin this week for my grandpa's funeral. They got home today and I was asking how it went since I didn't go. My mom told me that he looked terrible when she saw him. Then, she continued to say his face was as skinny as yours. Okay, I know that my mom didn't really mean to say that my face looks like a dead person's, but she also knows that I have real issues with how I look and should watch how she phrases things around me because now I have another complex.
The second thing that was said was after rehearsal last night. I was sitting at a table and Paul said, your shirt looks clean tonight. I wasn't wearing my costume anymore, just my normal shirt. The way I see it, there was only three ways to interpret this comment. Say thanks, and let the conversation move forward, assume that my shirts are normally dirty looking and this is a step forward, or be completely confused as to why someone would make such a random comment. I was confused, and still am today. The irony of this comment was that my shirt was actually dirty.
What are some odd things that people have said to you? Do you think Paul is an asshole? I want people to comment on this.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


I just wrote a long detailed post about what happened, but my stupid computer froze before I could publish it, so now I have to write it again. I'll give the short version.

I was attacked by a cat at work today. He grabbed my wrist with his claws so I couldn't pull my hand away without slitting my wrist and bit me three times.

My hand is swollen about 2 times its normal size and I can't use it for anything right now. I also am on antibiotics in hopes it won't get all infected and fall off or something. I need a new job.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

A Wonderful Life

Tomorrow is opening night of A Wonderful Life(the musical, lets face it, I don't do shows if they aren't musicals). I was really apprehensive about it earlier in the week. Okay, I was a nervous wreck. Things weren't going too smoothly. I was amazed at the run through tonight by the difference a week can make. Don't expect too much. I don't want really high expectations from anyone coming, because you'll be let down, but it could have been a lot worse. Paul, you are my hero. I can't believe how much you had to learn this last week. Be ready to be amazed by the leads in the show...the chorus, not so much. Wait till you hear Deena hit her high notes in her song too. Amazing.

Sorry, this post was probably the most boring thing anyone have ever read.