Have you ever?

Have you ever done something so stupid you can't believe it? I did tonight. Whenever I get together with my brothers, trouble ensues. Tonight was no different. I'm a little drunk right now, so this post may not make sense.
Earlier in the day, when I was still sober, my brother and I started talking about pepper spray. He's a big pussy and said that it hurts. Whatever. I told him I could take it.
Sometimes I make really stupid descions. Tonight was no exception. I allowed my older brother to spray me with pepper spray. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Oh Lord, it wasn't. It didn't hurt so much at first, so he sprayed more.
After about the first 20 minutes, I was able to open my eyes. I still have a slight burning sensation throughout my face, but not as bad as it was. Walking around in the October night makes it feel a little better, but when you go to the bathroom without washing your hands after touching your face, bad experience.
I'm drunk right now, so I don't have a clue as to what I'm writing. My face has an orangish tint to it because we didn't realize till after it was sprayed at me that there was a tint to it, but it's a story I will tell forever. I can't open my right eye all the way, but what can you do?
I have to work tomorrow. I hope the hang over isn't too bad and that the orange hue goes away. If not, whatever. Life is too short to not do stupid things.

Lunch with my brother.

My brothers are home for the weekend, so Ryan(my older brother) took me to lunch at Bennigan's today. I think he took me out because he flew here so he doesn't have a car and needed me to drive. Whatever, it was free food.

One of my favorite things to do is celebrate my birthday at Bennigan's. I don't know what's better, the free dessert, or knowing that all the servers who are forced to sing to you are thinking how much they hate their job at that moment. Whatever the reason, I celebrate my birthday about once a month at Bennigan's.

Since it becomes a little obvious after awhile that it isn't really my birthday, all the people have sang to me 4 times over a 2 month period, I tried to talk my brother into having his birthday be today. He flat out refused. I considered telling our waitress when he went to the bathroom, but he isn't fun like that.

Lunch was good. We talked, I ate my Reuben(the mashed potatoes were a little cold though). There was no singing, no brownie bottom pie, and no annoyed looks from the servers though. Perhaps most upsetting is that the next time I'm there, it will probably be right around my birthday, so having them sing won't be the same. It's only fun when it isn't really your special day.

Music for the season

I'm really excited for tomorrow. It marks the beginning of a Christmas tradition. I know what you're thinking. I just wrote a post about a week ago about how Christmas comes too early, blah, blah, blah. This is different though because I need time to practice.

Last year, my sister Katie and I decided it would be funny if we played songs for our family on Christmas Eve. Katie plays the clarinet and I play the trumpet. Ok, I played the trumpet about 10 years ago. I stopped after the 8th grade. I still remember the notes and such, it was just a matter of getting my lips strong enough to play again. Christmas Eve didn't go over too well last year though.

See, Katie and I practiced for about a month and a half before Christmas last year. We seriously practiced for about an hour almost every day too. We didn't take it lightly. I even spent time to write harmonies to the songs so we weren't just playing the melody the whole time. My parents didn't really appreciate the time we put in and wanted to just open presents. I was pissed. There was a small family argument that followed(there is no such thing as a holiday in the Warnke house without some sort of family spat). Katie and I are bound and determined to outdo ourselves this year so everyone is enthralled and forgets about the presents. I tried to convince her to play with me in church on Christmas Eve. She refused.

So you see, it may still be 2 months till Christmas Eve, but I haven't even touched my trumpet in 10 months, and it was about 9 years before that. We need all the practice we can get. I think I may even write an original song for us to play this year. I probably won't though. We'll probably just recycle the same songs we did the year before.

Cat Scratch Fever

Allergies suck. My skin allergies have been out of control for the last 2-3 weeks. Normally I can determine what's causing an outbreak. A different soap, detergent, deodorant, etc. Once I figure out what's causing the problems, my skin gets better. I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm having such a bad time with my allergies though.
For those of you who don't have skin allergies, let me tell you how uncomfortable they are. You break out in hives and rashes all over your body. The chart to your left shows you the areas that normally are affected(a nice little biology lesson for all). I'm actually broken out in hives everywhere now. The only plus is that my face and hands aren't affected, so you can't see any of the hives.
I'm hoping for a frost soon, that typically kills allergens. Unfortunately, I think my allergies are being caused by something that is coming in contact with my skin, which means that until I figure out what it is, I'll be miserable. I probably contracted some sort of mange or something from work and don't realize it because it resembles my allergies.

Oops!

The link to Lisa's blog didn't show up. Check it out at lovelylisa23.blogspot.com

A new blog

Sorry, I don't have a picture to go with this post. Just writing to let everyone know that Lisa has started her own blog The link to the blog is below. And Amanda, if you could hack into my blog sometime in the near future and update my links to include Lisa's and Paul's(even though you update less then me Paul. Get on top of that), I would appreciate it forever.

I hate Walmart

If someone were to ask me, "If Satan were to come to the world and disguise himself as a major franchise, what do you think he would look like?" I wouldn't hesitate to say Walmart. Walmart is the festering boil on the ass of American society. I'll give you the abridged verion of why I hate this store so much.

Walmart will only sell censored music, but will sell ammunition. Obviously, music leads to more violence than bullets(I'm not saying that people don't have the right to buy bullets. I realize that the majority of people who buy them are responsible people who buy them and use them for valid reasons. However, do you really think that music that has profanity and violent undertones causes that much crime?). Also, Walmart claims to be a store that will create new jobs in an area whenever a new store opens. However, this store outsizes jobs to third world countries so they can knowingly employ people in sweat shops to keep their prices on clothes lower. I can seriously go on for hours for the reasons I boycott Walmart, but this post isn't about my boycott.

Last night, Lisa and I were out looking for Halloween costumes(see previous post). Lisa convinced me to go to Walmart, which, let me tell you, is a remarkable feat for someone to do. I resolved that I wouldn't buy anything in there, and sincerely hoped I didn't run into anyone I know. Basically the only reason we were there is it was one of the few stores still open. I found a new past time while I was there though.

Every annoying toy or Christmas decoration that sings a ridiculously cheesy song was turned on while we walked by. Toys with an on/off switch were left on. Toys that said push here to hear a song were pushed no less than 5 times. There's something funny about seeing 30 reindeer who rock in their rocking chairs singing "Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer."

I realize that I can't run out all the batteries in all the toys in all the Walmarts all over the world. I beg of my loyal blog readers to help me out(both of you). Every time you are in a Walmart(which I hope isn't often), try to wear out the batteries. It may not make them go bankrupt, but it will make me feel better knowing that Satan has a little bit of a challenge when trying to overtake the world.

My costume this year...

Those of you who know me, know that I take great pride in my Halloween costumes. I always strive for something original and daring. Previous costumes have included a dirty q-tip(lots of spandex with a paper mache head piece covered in cotton balls...beautiful really), an 80's basketball player(no guy should ever wear shorts that are that tight and small), and a French maid.

This year I plan to top all costumes from years past. I found my costume last night while at Target. Daisy Duke. Yes, that Daisy Duke, the one who had the shorts named after her. If I have to describe the costume, I would say it's a whole lot of skin, and not so much fabric.

I am currently in overdrive workout mode. I will have defined abs before I go out in public with my stomach exposed. If anyone hears of any local costume contests that pay good money, let me know. I need to make money if I'm going to make a complete fool of myself.

Come On!

What is wrong with the entertainment world? First things first, Hilary Duff is releasing her greatest hits CD. Am I alone in thinking that you should probably have a hit song before releasing a greatest hits CD? I'm just old-fashioned like that though. Can anyone name any of her songs without looking them up online first? Marketing genius.
Second, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting. Isn't that sweet? I wish he would just go away. Seriously, he hasn't had a good movie in like 15 years. The fact that he has made a complete fool of himself by proclaiming his "love" for Katie and talking about anti-depressants, makes me like him all the less. Lets face it though, he's studied Scientology, so I'm sure he knows so much more about medications than the people who have studied it, used it, and manufactured it. I feel so bad for their baby. I give them 2 months after getting married. They won't even make it as long as Kenny and Renee, and that's just sad.

Hair Cuts

Today was a difficult day for me. I consider getting my hair cut a necessary evil in today's society. It is literally one of my least favorite things to have done. There are a few reasons for this. First and foremost, I'm a touch freak. I hate to be touched by people I don't know. Standing in a crowded area with people bumping into me is enough to send me into a panic, so imagine how I feel about a stranger touching my head for 30 minutes. Second, I have very sensitive skin, so I always break out in hives on my neck and back after getting my hair cut from the hair that falls there and agitates my skin.

Despite my dislike for haircuts, I decided I had to get one done today. I was trying to psych myself up in the car on the way there(I literally won't even make it to the shop most of the time because I can't get up the nerve.) I walked in and they were able to cut my hair right then, even though I didn't have an appointment.

My first tip that I should probably get a different stylist was when she was in a slight panic over the fact that I have my ear pierced. She felt the need to tell me that she got her comb stuck in someone's eyebrow ring the day before and didn't notice until she pulled really hard. I offered to take my earring out. I couldn't get it open though so she promised to be careful.

She started talking about movies; specifically a great movie she had seen recently. It's about a girl who doesn't have any friends, so she kills people and takes their body parts to make friends of her own. I don't know, something about the fact that she was using her scissors right next to my ear as she told me this story made me uncomfortable.

She finished and I said that my hair looked fine. To be honest, I always say that without really looking because if it doesn't, I have to sit there longer, which is something I'm not willing to do. It wasn't till I got back in my car that I realized that I didn't really like what she did with my hair. It wasn't as short as I would have liked it, and she did something funky around my ears so it looks really short there, but nowhere else. Oh well, I'm not going back to get it fixed.

Express Lanes

Let me start by saying how much I love Meijer. It's your one stop shopping spot for higher standards with lower prices. With that said, I have to say how much I hate their express checkout lanes. In truth, it isn't Meijer's fault. I'm sure you have these problems no matter what store you go to, but I venture to Meijer most often, so the problems are obviously most prevalent for me there.

It seems that whenever I'm in a hurry and decide to use the express lanes, I always choose the slow one. There can be 5 available with only one person in each, but I will ultimately choose the one where the person ringing people up is working their first shift and doesn't know what they're doing. By the time I realize this, the other lanes have filled up. It happens every time.

Worse yet, is it really that hard to count to 12? When there is a big sign over the lane that says 12 items or less, don't take your cart stuffed full of groceries through the express lane. That's just rude, but of course that's what happened to me today. If you have 13 or 14 items, okay, it's not that big of a deal. What really bothered me is that the people with no less than 56 items that were in front of me in the express lane realized that they forgot their 2 liter of Coke, so held up the line while the lady went back into the store to get it.

Don't even get me started on U-Scan lanes. If you don't know how to use them, you probably shouldn't take the opportunity to learn when all the lanes are packed full. It also seems that everytime someone has a problem with their lane not working correctly, the cashier in charge of the U-scans is talking to one of his or her co-workers and doesn't notice for 5 minutes.

Oh the humanity! I felt the need to complain, so I wrote this post. Sorry, I'm not always this bitchy...but I can be sometimes.

Rush, Rush

Despite what the picture may lead you to believe, this post has nothing to do with Paula Abdul. I titled it Rush, Rush; which most of you will remember was a hit song for my girl a few years ago(hurry, hurry lover come to me. Don't pretend you didn't love that song). I decided to put the picture up as a tribute to her.
This post is actually about my annoyance with stores this time of year. I don't want to sound like Scrooge, because Christmas is my favorite holiday. Seriously though. It's barely mid-October and stores have their Christmas merchandise out in full force. Worse yet, I was in Marshal Field's at the end of September, and they had Christmas displays up and were playing Christmas music. SEPTEMBER!!!
Whatever happened to starting the Christmas season after Thanksgiving? How many people really need to buy the Coke-a-Cola Christmas bear before Thanksgiving? Let's not rush things. Christmas shopping is hectic enough. I don't need it to be extended for the commercial gain of department stores.

Another story of when animals attack...

Amanda left a comment on my last post about being attacked by a goose she fed chips to, and that reminded me of this story. When I was a senior in high school, my two younger sisters, my younger brother, and I went up north with our parents. For those of you readers who don't live in Michigan, up north simply means you are anywhere north of your hometown. I don't have a clue as to where we were, much like most Michiganders who state they are "up north" when telling a story.
We were driving along in our rental van, and I broke the window. I didn't realize it wasn't supposed to be forced open, but was electronic(too fancy for me). When my dad stopped to fix it, we noticed a flock(gaggel? what's the term for a bunch of turkeys?) of turkeys. My dad told us how he had been chased by one when he was younger because he was trying to feed it and it didn't like that.
Ok, anyone can take a family vacation and get a picture of them posed in front of a beautiful landscape, but how many people have pictures of turkeys chasing them. Not many, and Molly and I decided it was something we had to do.
We grabbed some crackers and started to run after them. As we ran away, we yelled for our mom to get the camera ready. Let's face it, the turkeys are going to wise up eventually. She refused. Apparently we needed to act our age and she wouldn't take us to the hospital if we were attacked because it was our own fault, or something, I don't know, I wasn't listening, the turkeys were getting further away.
We weren't able to catch the turkeys, so we never got chased. I still think it would have made a great picture to hang in the hallway. What a conversation starter.

A Day in the Park

Yesterday was a beautiful day, so Deena and I decided to go the the park. We walked, talked, and drank apple cider. It was glorious. As we were sitting by our cars, sipping our cider we noticed an abundance of squirrels running near us.
I've heard that it's pretty easy to tame squirrels by feeding them. I had never really tried it though. Lucky for us, I had sunflower seeds in my car. Let the fun begin.
We started throwing the seeds at the squirrel, but let me tell you, squirrels are really dumb and don't have much of a sense of smell. Unless the seeds hit them in the nose, they can't find them. Regardless, our bushy tailed rodent friend was becoming more trusting of us, so I decided to try to feed it from my hand.
I had a pile of about 15 seeds in my hand, and he(yes, it was a boy, squirrels are pretty easy to sex when they stand on their hind legs and expose their goods to the world) walked up to me. Instead of going for the seeds though, he decided to nibble on my fingertip. I've had a rabies scare once before, and was not about to have one again, so I jerked my hand away before he could break the skin. Next thing I knew, he was trying to climb my pants. Things were starting to get out of control.
A few more squirrels started to show up. There was one mangy one in particular who scared us. She wasn't interested in the food, but would run up to you, stare into your eyes, and crouch like she was going to jump at you. I kept having thoughts of Chevy Chase, circa Christmas Vacation. I didn't like that squirrel.
The first squirrel started taking the seeds from Deena's fingers, but then he got greedy. He tried to bite her too. This just goes to show that, yes, you can tame squirrels, but they will always have the desire to bite. Also, don't feed squirrels right behind your car, because they won't move when you want to leave. I don't think we ran any over on our way out though.

Stamps gone wild

I feel as the the US post office has sold out and is no longer keeping it real. I first heard about this a few months ago while watching The Daily Show. It seems that you can now customize stamps with your own pictures.
Whatever happened to placing famous faces, artwork, and cartoon characters on stamps? Those were the days. Seriously, I think it would be cool to have a stamp with my likeness made, but I wouldn't actually send a birthday card with my picture in the upper right hand corner with 37 cents slathered across it. That will just give people the wrong idea. My going rate is not that low.
It makes me wonder though. What would happen if you made a dirty picture into a stamp? Would they refuse to deliver? My guess would be that they wouldn't actually make the stamp, so you would have to be subtle in what was being done in the picture(kudos to the post with the most creative idea for how to get around this).
Also, what about the stamp collecting people? I don't collect anything, so I'm not really sure how it works; but my understanding was always that if something is rare, it's worth more. If everyone is sending in pictures of their dogs/cats/children/selves and having only one book of stamps made, rare stamps will become common, thereby making common stamps worth more. The whole economy will collapse, and Canada will probably take over the US. Think about it. I don't trust the post office right now(if I die mysteriously within the next few months it's because someone found out that I cracked the code about Canada's plan to take over the world, I'm willing to take the risk though).

I'm too young and good looking to die

First of all, I want to start by saying that you can all thank me for not posting the picture I was going to put on my blog. It was a real heart, trachea, and lungs removed from a body. I figured that was too graphic though and went with the cool illustration.
I feel as though I'm dyeing. What started as a slight cold and fever on Saturday has turned into what I'm pretty sure is bronchitis. I guess I shouldn't complain. It's not like I'm playing the lead in a musical with bronchitis and bruised ribs(you should really give me an A+ on your blog Amanda, I went with you to the hospital that night), but it still sucks. Worse yet, I have auditions for a musical a week from today, and can barely talk right now, much less sing. I hope my overwhelming stage presence will shine through and get me a great role.

Dreams do come true

All of my loyal blog readers will remember the post I wrote a few days ago talking about my addiction to the show Smallville. Well, today was a happy day for me. Where to start?
Ok, I don't normally read the newspaper, which would explain my lack of knowledge of any current events, but on Sundays I treat myself to reading the Parade magazine found in the paper. As I was leafing through the paper looking for my magazine, I happened to grab the Target add. It seems that they are selling select seasons of Smallville for only $18.88.
This is HUGE! Depending on where you shop, these DVD's are normally anywhere from $45-50. The first Target I stopped at only had seasons one and two in stock(I'm obviously not the only one addicted to this show). I ventured into Bay City to get the other 2 seasons. Alas, they only had seasons 1 and 4. Apparently season 4 was the only season not on sale. I paid retail price for season 4. I had to, they basically gave me the other 2 seasons for free. I only watched the first 3 episodes from season 4 before Extreme Makeover, Home Edition came on, but I can't wait till I get out of work tomorrow to watch a few more. I mean, they all graduate this season, and I still don't know what's up with Lana. She got a strange tattoo on her back after studying in Paris, but she doesn't know how it got there. Her dermatologist says there are no traces of ink in it. Dark forces at work? I think so.
Anyone still looking for an idea for my birthday gift; I still don't own season 3. I figure watching all 66 episodes from the seasons that I now own will probably keep me busy for the next month. Go to Target to get my gift in the next week and you'll be able to get me something that I really want for real cheap.