Monday, November 26, 2007

My Obvious Eating Disorder

I'm thin, and I can't help it. Anyone who has seen me eat, knows that I can put away food like no other. I just can't gain weight. Perhaps I have worms, I don't know. What has really been bothering me a lot lately is the amount of comments I've been getting from people about how they're concerned I'm anorexic.
Mind you, I haven't been loosing weight, if anything, I've gained some, but for some reason, the last year or so, I've got a lot of comments from a lot of different people saying they're concerned about me being anorexic. I've had enough people comment on it that I myself got concerned that maybe I do have an eating disorder and didn't realize it. So, I did what any responsible person would do, and started counting my calories to make sure I am eating enough. Turns out that a typical day for me consists of anywhere from 2500-3000 calories. Like I said, I can eat a lot.
Part of the problem is that I don't even try to defend myself anymore when someone accuses me of it. People already have their mind made up about it, so let them think what they want.
Last night, while I was eating, someone told me he thinks I'm anorexic. Right, because I'm holding a plate loaded with food, obviously I am. I don't understand the double standard here. I would never tell someone they're fat, but it's okay to accuse someone of having a disease that could be life threatening. Plus, I don't think I look anorexic. Yeah, I'm skinny, but I'm not that skinny that I would think people would think I don't eat. Maybe I am though and should start eating Crisco in hopes of putting on some weight. More likely though, I'm just not going to worry about it and bitch slap the next person who asks me about my eating disorder.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Anal Glands

All dogs have them...unless they've had surgery to remove them, I suppose. I guess I should say all dogs are born with them. I suppose there may be the genetic mutant out there that was born without them, but I just want to get on with my story.
So, dogs(and cats) have glands on either side of their rectum. The glands fill with an oily discharge that is primarily used for marking territory and the like. For whatever reason, some dogs aren't able to express these glands on their own, and they need to be manually expressed or else they can get infected. Enough Biology for tonight, on to the story.
Ted E Bear(yes that's really his name) came in today for a routine check up. The owner asked us to express his glands. Now, if you've ever smelled anal gland material, you'll know the pleasentness of the process. Noramally, they express pretty easily, but the first one I did was kind of thick(really sorry, this story is gross, and it only gets worse). It was difficult to get it out. I got it out, and moved on the the other one.
Expecting the same thickness, I raised the tail higher then I normally would in hopes of getting leverage and prepared to squeeze harder then I noramally would. Probably not the best idea. See, this one had a normal consistancy to it, so when it expressed, it came out easily. Due to my poor judgement of holding the tail high and squeezing hard, it shot out of the gland...right onto my face. Yeah, it was about the grossest thing I've ever encoutered.
So there you have it. After over a month of not posting, I'm back in full force with a gross story that no one wanted to hear about, but that I found necessary to share. Feel free to discuss.