Monday, August 29, 2005

Homeless Pete

This story dates back a few years, but I was thinking about it last night and decided to write about it. I was actually sworn to secrecy about the events of this night, but it's too good a story to not share with my loyal readers.
About 5 years ago, my friends and I decided that the summer wouldn't be complete until we had broken into our church and climbed into the bell tower in the middle of the night. It seemed like a reasonable goal at the time, honest. We were all talk all summer long, but never actually took the initiative to do it. One night, Molly and our friend, Jamie, staged a kidnapping and blindfolded some of us and took us to the church. The church is actually just across the street from my house, but they decided to drive us around to throw us off so we didn't know where we were going. I peaked though and knew where we were.
We arrived at the church and used the key to go through the back entrance(yes, I have a key to the church, I'm that important). It was the middle of the night, but we couldn't turn on any lights because we didn't want to raise any suspicion. Molly and Jamie didn't plan too well, and forgot the flashlights. In order to get into the bell tower, you have to climb a 20 foot ladder and go through a trapdoor. There's about a 3 foot gap between the top rung and the door, and there was no way we were going to make it without lights. We aborted the mission and decided to come back a different night, but to actually be prepared this time.
A few nights later, the big night arrived. We made our way in with the stealth of trained burglars, and made the treacherous ascent up the ladder. Little did we know that the trapdoor led into a tiny room with another ladder that actually let you up to the bells. We climbed the second ladder and found the view breathtaking. You could see for miles. I'm kind of scared of heights and had to go back down to the little room. When I was standing there, I noticed all the frozen dinner dishes littering the floor. I realized that a homeless person was obviously living up there and was going to kill us if we didn't get out soon. I tried, unsuccessfully, to get everyone to leave...I couldn't tell them that a homeless person was lurking in the shadows. Blowing his cover would surely lead to our demise.
After we all left, I told everyone what I saw. We decided to name the phantom "Homeless Pete." About a week later, Molly and I were driving home in the middle of the night, and saw that the light in the bell tower was on(something I had never witnessed before or since). It was close to Easter time, so Molly and I decided it would be a nice gesture to make an Easter basket and invite Pete to our house for Easter dinner(yes, we really did think about doing that). We decided that Pete probably just wanted to be left alone, so we didn't do it. I regret that decision.
I often wonder what Pete is up to, and if he still lives up there. We would sometimes see him walking along the street, but I haven't noticed him lately. I hope life has been kind to him, and that we didn't inconvenience him too much with our late night cavorting.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Happy Wedding Day

Last night was a night that I had been looking forward to for some time. It was the marriage of my friend Nicole to her new husband. I met Nicole when I moved to the area when we were in 6th grade. I would say that we became friends right away, but that would be a lie. I annoyed her more than just a little bit when we first met, but we managed to become friends and have stayed friends to this day, even though we don't talk too often anymore.
When we were in 7th or 8th grade, we made a promise that no matter what the circumstances were, we would be at each other's weddings We sealed the deal by giving each other meaningless trash that we would get back on our wedding days. I won't lie, it was really sad to wrap the granola bar wrapper that she had given me years before on Friday night.
The wedding and reception were beautiful. Nicole and Mark are perfect for each other, and it was good to see them both so happy. Since this is my life though, the night wasn't perfect. I love my siblings to death and wouldn't trade anything in the world for any of them, but my parents can be a bit much sometimes, especially when they've had a little too much. A big thanks goes out to my dad for hitting me on the back when he walked by, causing me to spill wine down the front of my new shirt. I also felt bad for my sexy date, Lisa, who has never really met my family before and felt a little out of place. Don't worry, she was feeling a lot better by the end of the night!

Monday, August 22, 2005

Best Friends FOREVER!

Friday was an interesting night. I ended up meeting my new best friend that night. That's right, Amanda forced me to go to a Clay Aiken concert, where Clay realized just how talented of a singer I am and decided to become my new best friend. Here's how it all went down.
Amanda is a HUGE Clay fan and got us seats that were insanely close to the stage for his concert. I considered Amanda one of my best friends, but she was really considerate to my feelings the day before the concert and told me that she was really excited to see Clay, but not so much to see me. She's seen me before, but has never seen Clay(paraphrased and really exaggerated to make my story more interesting). The irony of the situation is that Clay decided to become friends with me, and made a "sass" comment to Amanda when he talked to her.
That's right folks, he talked to both of us. Since we were so close to the stage, Clay decided to talk to both of us during his concert. Actually, that isn't too true. Clay decided to talk to me, but Amanda decided to blurt out that her parents named her after the song Mandy after he was done singing it, despite the fact that Clay was trying to talk to the woman behind Amanda. It could have happened to anyone though.
Anyhow, Clay talked to me for a few minutes during his concert. It was really an intimate conversation. Just me and Clay talking about music with a few thousand people listening. He even invited me to sing with him on the stage, but I politely declined. The night was about him singing, not me. Our conversation was lighthearted and fun. The type of jabber you expect from two best friends. Alas, the show must go on, and he had to get back to singing. I'm glad to know that I made a new best friend though. I thank Amanda for the ticket to the show. You will be invited when Clay and I have our friend's night out. You deserve it.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

The Buckle

I recently rediscovered how much I love the store The Buckle. They used to be a staple in my wardrobe, but I strayed away for awhile. Now I ask myself, why? To be honest, when I used to shop there, it was never quite as nice as it is today. I suppose when they revamped and moved across the aisle in the mall, they also made some changes in the types of clothing they carry as well as staffing. All of which was a big improvement.
For instance, the last few times I've been in there, I haven't been in there for more than 2 minutes before someone asking to help me. I'm a difficult shopper and don't hesitate to ask someone to find something in my size in the back. Although I'm sure they're thinking bad thoughts about me when they go to look, they never get an attitude or make me feel like I put them out. Sometimes they come back with something similar that isn't even out in the store and ask if that is okay.
Better yet, they help you shop. I normally get really annoyed with people trying to sell me things I don't need, but it's different here. The people actually have a fashion sense and will ask you if you've looked at a certain shirt or pair of pants. Of course you haven't because it's always something you think you could never wear. Let me tell you though, they will pick things that look good on you, and suddenly your sense of style has changed a little. A little more edgy.
I always leave there feeling important. Today was no different. I can't wait to wear my new argyle sweater.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Home Sweet Home

After a long week of watching my boss's cats, I'm glad to be home. I have nothing against her cats, although I don't think they like me much, but I just want to sleep in my bed and have everything I need here at my disposal. Another reason that I dislike staying somewhere else is that it makes me feel bad to go out, like I should be there the whole time. Don't get me wrong, I still will go out with friends when I'm watching someone's pets. My feeling is that it's better than having them over for a party. Whenever I leave though, the night is overshadowed with a brief feeling of guilt. Luckily, I don't have much of a conscious though, and that feeling leaves pretty quickly. I'm a little apprehensive about going to work tomorrow though because although her cats did fine, the same can't be said for her plants. I tend to kill plants whenever I have to take care of them. I'm not really sure how, but I guess they need certain amounts of water in order to survive, and I'm not really good at figuring out how much to give them. Hopefully she won't notice. Otherwise, I'll just say we had a cold spell for 2 nights and it killed them. It could work.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Full Moons

I used to make fun of my coworkers because they were convinced that full moons made people crazy. Now, I've come to agree with them. It seems like whenever I've had a bad day; complaints, odd requests, ect., there is a full moon, or it will be a full moon within a day or two. You may think I'm crazy, but the next time you encounter a bunch of weirdos in the same day, check a calendar and see what the moon cycle is. It's sure to be a full moon.
I guess it has something to do with the gravitonal pull throwing people off balance, or something to that effect. It makes me wonder I go crazy during a full moon and not realize it? I would hope that people would tell me that I'm not right, but I wonder if they're just too scared. Let me know. I don't want to be one of those crazy people.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Full Circle

First, the sad news. I had a great picture of a police car to go along with this post, but my ghetto computer won't let me post it. Such is life. Anyhow, this interesting story starts about 3 weeks ago, and ends with the exciting conclusion that took place yesterday. I would have written this yesterday, but my computer(much like me) has every virus known to mankind and wouldn't let me...too much surfing for porn?
Anyhow, about 3 weeks ago, I had a scare. I went to the bar, like most nights. The difference was that I was actually good that night. I was driving my friend home when she pointed out a cop to me. I told her not to worry, I'm not speeding. Never the less, the po-po decided to pull out behind me and follow me. It kind of worried me, but I was still convinced that I wasn't speeding, so he had no reason to pull me over. I was a little bit wrong about that.
After a mile of following me, he turned on his lights. That's when I realized I had been going through construction, and the speedlimit was actually 45, and not 57, which is what I was clocked at.
Let me just take this moment to remind all of you who aren't familiar with Michigan driving laws, a speeding ticket in construction zones is doubled. That's right, I was going 24 mph over the posted speed, and had been drinking. This was going to be an interesting night.
The nice officer approached my car, and asked me where I was coming from and kindly informed me that I was indeed speeding for the entire mile he followed me. I've always been told never to lie to a cop when you get pulled over, because it will come back to haunt you later. Plus, it was 2:30 in the morning. It was pretty obvious I had been at a bar. Lucky me, I got to do drunk driving tests.
Before I was asked to step out of the car, he asked for my registration and proof of insurance. I knew they were in my glove compartment, but I'm not exactly a neat person, and I had about 50 expired ones in there. Chalk something else up the my pending ticket, because I couldn't find either.
As I stood on the side of the road, I was scared for my life. I was trying to decide who I would call in order to bail me out of jail, when the tests started. I failed every last one because I was shaking so bad from nerves. Then came the dreaded breathalizer. He looked at what I blew and gave me a weird look. I blew a .011. Legal limit is .08. My excuse of being nervous is what caused me to fail every test didn't really float too well with him, so then came the barrage of questions about if I had been using drugs. After doing a somewhat satisfactory job of convincing him that I was indeed not high, I was allowed to return to my car and wait in fear. I may not be going to jail that night, but I still had a hefty ticket hanging over my head.
He ran my plates and license and came back to the car. He asked me if I found my paperwork. I explained I hadn't looked while he wasn't there. Then came the money question. He asked who my dad was. I told him his name and...(dramatic pause)...he knew him. Turns out I went to high school with his son. I wasn't friends with him, but I sure tried to pretend we were at that point in time. It must have worked because he let me go without even a warning.
Fastforward to yesterday. I decided I needed a new shirt to wear to a wedding tonight. Not that I needed a new shirt because I have more than enough clothes as it is but at the time it seemed like a good idea. I ended up at Kohl's and when as I was walking up to the register I noticed the only cashier was the son of the cop whom pulled me over. I decided just to not make eye contact and he wouldn't recognize me. It seemed like a good idea to me, and probably would have worked if I didn't pay with a credit card that has my name on it I'm not really the smartest person you'll ever meet. I couldn't decide if I should ask him to tell his dad hi for me, or just pretend I didn't recognize him, despite his name tag that brazenly told everyone who he was I opted for the second option. I kind of regret it though. His dad did me a favor, and I learned my lesson I think he would like to know that Maybe I'll go back to Kohl's and buy more clothes I don't need just so I can tell him that Probably not though

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Tropical Skin

I feel as though many of my stories are going to involve two constants...Lisa and The Junction. Basically because Lisa and I always hang out and our favorite spot is The Junction; a classy karaoke bar for those of you who aren't down with the Saginaw nightlife. This story dates back to Saturday, but why not tell it now.
Saturday was the much anticipated Hawaiian Party at our favorite hangout. Not only were there drink specials for all in Hawaiian garb, but a costume contest as well as the karaoke contest. Believe it or not, I forgot all about the spectacle that was Saturday night until Lisa reminded me about it a few hours before we were scheduled to arrive. Seeing as how I wasn't staying at home over the weekend, and don't own much in the line of traditional Hawaiian clothing, a stop at the mall was required. Alas, no one carried human hula skirts. I write human skirts because I was able to find a lovely ensemble made for dogs. It was sexy. Just look at the picture of the tiger above. I will give credit where it is due and tell you I didn't look quite as stunning as the tiger does, but I sure gave him a run for his money if you know what I mean(and I think you do). Anyhow, the skirt was a little small and caused bruising while I tried to get it on. Luckily, Lisa was standing by with a pair of scissors, because it got stuck and caused bruising/loss of circulation before it ripped and I could get it on. Able to breathe and having adequate blood supply return to somewhat important body parts, I tied the top on off we went.
Perhaps the best part of the night wasn't the fact that my dog costume won the contest, but a singer in the karaoke contest. We'll call her Belinda because I can't remember what her name is. Not only did Belinda expect to win the contest because she has a CD coming out(which let me just warn you, don't buy it. It's going to be REALLY overrated. Girl can't sing to save her life), but she must have read the memo wrong and thought it said there was going to be a tramp party at the Junction that night. Let's just say, too much body, too little fabric. There was a full moon every time she bent over, and she didn't like to cross her legs...if you catch the drift. I wish I could share a picture with all my devoted readers, but I didn't get one. Hopefully Lisa will send me one since she took them, because I can't describe her well enough to do it justice. Keep checking for a picture, and Lisa, start emailing pictures.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

My life is the most unexciting life...EVER!

Okay, it's probably true that most people who know me probably are wondering why I'm starting a blog. I realize that my life doesn't quite compare to the every day experiences encountered by Paris Hilton or Barry Williams of The Brady Bunch. HOWEVER, I feel I hold something none of my favorite Hollywood personalities can ever attain. I have an amazing ability to exaggerate and falsify facts. You may say that means I lie. Haters can say what they like, but I see it as making the uninteresting more fun. I promise that none of my posts will contain more than 95% actual facts and experiences. With that said, I hope to have a few interesting posts put up here soon. The next few weeks are booked full of drunk weddings, turtle races at my church, and watching my bass's cats while she goes on her honeymoon. I can feel interesting stories are just waiting to be written.