Sunday, September 14, 2008

Too much of a prude

Seriously, it's been too long since I've updated this blog. This is my third attempt at starting this story. I feel as though I've lost my natural knack for blogging. Such a sad realization that is.
I have some whorish tendencies. I'll be honest with myself, if I have too much to drink, and someone is willing, I'll make out with you. I know, so sad, but so true. I draw the line there though. I don't want to get pregnant or anything. Sometimes though, I feel as though I should loosen my morales and just have some fun. I really hope I'm making some of you uncomfortable with this post. Ok, by sometimes, I actually mean in the specific situation I'm faced with right now.
So here's the predicament I'm in. There's a certain someone, someone that I used to date...I think some of you may know who I'm writing about. Feel proud of yourself if you do. If you don't, I'll give you a clue. There was a post about a year ago about my underwear being washed by this person's grandma. Chanel your inner Sherlock Holmes, I'm not about to spell this one out for you. Mainly because I can't remember if this person has my blog address. That may make for an interesting conversation later...
I'm trying to focus now, and not go off on any more tangents. For the sake of this post, we'll refer to the person as A, simply because his name is andy. A and I have reconnected after a few months of not being on the best of terms. He has made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship right now. He has good reasons for it, and it isn't a snub to me, he just doesn't want one in general...or so he says. Now, I'm not one to sleep with someone I'm not in a relationship with. Ok, I'll sleep with you if we're speaking the strictly plutonic sense of the word, but that's not the implication that I meant. No lies in this post, I do still have feelings for him, which he knows. I just don't really want to allow those feelings to come to the surface too much, knowing that nothing will come from it right now. At the same time, I have no desire to date anyone else right now either.
So, do I just do the deed? The feelings are already there, and aren't going away. I could become a tramp for awhile and live with that. Or, do I just live like a monk like I have been for the last...not willing to mention how long? I think I may have shared too much on this, but whatevs. Give your imput. I don't like to make decisions.